If you thought migration policy couldn't get any more surreal, Britain and France have just turned the English Channel into a bureaucratic ping pong table. The latest deal, a one in, one out arrangement where the UK ships a migrant back to France and accepts another in return, is either a stroke of genius or the political equivalent of rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. Home Secretary Yvette Cooper insists the scheme is legally robust, but critics are already sharpening their knives, calling it a gimmick. Meanwhile, the only ones winning are the lawyers, rubbing their hands at the prospect of endless challenges.

Cooper, brimming with the confidence of someone who just signed a deal in fancy fonts, claims the system will withstand legal scrutiny. This is the same legal scrutiny that turned the previous government’s Rwanda plan into a punchline. The Home Secretary says the EU has been supportive, which is diplomatic code for we didnt get everything we wanted, but we got a photo op with Macron. The deal, starting as a pilot with roughly 50 migrants a week, is supposed to smash the people smuggling model. Because nothing says deterrence like a carefully calibrated exchange program.

Here’s the kicker, if a migrant gets returned to France and tries their luck again, they’ll be bounced back immediately, banned from the UK asylum system. Cooper’s message is clear, pay thousands to a smuggler, get a free ticket to disappointment. It’s the kind of tough talk that plays well in headlines but ignores the fact that desperation doesn’t respond to policy jargon. Meanwhile, Lucy Moreton of the Immigration Services Union warns that legal challenges could drag on for a year, turning this plan into a slow motion circus.

Then there’s the shadow home secretary, Chris Philp, who called the whole thing a gimmick. He’s nostalgic for the Rwanda scheme, where the Tories promised to deport 100% of illegal arrivals. Of course, only four people ever went, and they volunteered, which is like saying your diet was a success because you thought about eating a salad. Philp’s critique is predictable, but it raises the real question, is this deal actually about stopping boats or just about looking like you’re stopping boats.

Macron, ever the statesman, couldn’t resist a little Brexit dig, suggesting leaving the EU made migration harder for the UK. Thanks, Emmanuel, real helpful. But let’s be honest, this deal reeks of political theater. The numbers are tiny, the legal hurdles are massive, and the people smugglers are probably already finding workarounds. The only certainty is that while politicians bicker, migrants will keep risking their lives in dinghies, and lawyers will keep cashing checks.

So here we are, watching Britain and France play hot potato with human beings, wrapped in legalese and spin. The real tragedy is that after all the speeches, photo ops, and legal opinions, the Channel will remain as deadly as ever. And the only thing getting deported anytime soon is common sense.