Let me tell you about the time I tried getting my college administration to release parking ticket revenue reports. Spoiler alert, it felt exactly like watching Congress demand Epstein documents from the Justice Department. Lots of performative outrage. Zero actual transparency. And somebody’s always holding the "protecting privacy" banner while shredding the receipts.

The latest circus involves Attorney General Pam Bondi’s team releasing what lawmakers are calling the "CliffsNotes version" of Jeffrey Epstein related files. We’re talking blacked out names. Missing pages. A random desk photo featuring President Trump that accidentally played hide and seek in the DOJ’s online archive over the weekend. Classic Washington nonsense where the bureaucracy decides we peasants can only handle pre chewed truth nuggets.

Representatives Ro Khanna and Thomas Massie are so mad they’re threatening to revive inherent contempt. That’s Congress’s unused nuclear option allowing them to fine or jail officials who ignore subpoenas. Last successful use? 1934. Before color TV. Before microwaves. Back when Herbert Hoover was blaming jazz music for societal decay. Nothing says "serious oversight" like dusting off a procedural relic older than Betty White during her Golden Girls run.

Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche basically laughed this off on Meet the Press. "Not even a little bit. Bring it on." That’s the energy of a man who knows modern Congress couldn’t organize a two car funeral procession. These people can’t even name their own committee chairs half the time. But sure. Let’s pretend Nancy Pelosi’s old podium smell isn’t still lingering in the chamber while they attempt Colonial era punishment rites.

What’s genuinely wild is how everyone’s screaming about transparency while carefully avoiding the real question. How many living powerful people partied on Epstein’s cash stuffed trauma plane? Would that information actually survive redaction? The DOJ claims it’s protecting victims identities. Noble! Also convenient! The people demanding full disclosure? Also performative! There isn’t a single DC power player who truly wants every name unredacted because guess what, somebody’s frat brother cousin donor probably turns up.

Remember 2022 when President Trump said he’d "release everything" about Epstein if reelected? Classic Trump. Direct. To the point. No bureaucrat speak about "process" or "review." Liberals clutched pearls. Conservatives cheered. The media immediately Photoshoped his face onto Epstein’s jet. Now the same crew hyperventilating over a benign office trinket photo showing Trump among other political figures. Can we all admit this selective outrage is exhausting?

The temporary vanishing of that Trump photo over the weekend was peak Keystone Cops energy. DOJ quietly removed it, blamed victim privacy reviews, then sheepishly reposted it with "nevermind y’all" energy. They left several other Epstein related photos cropped or missing though. No explanation. Classic DC illusionism. "Nothing to see here, unless you’re questioning our competence. Then everything is fine. Trust us."

Watching Republicans like Rand Paul suddenly demand full transparency is hilarious considering their silence during the 900 other Epstein news cycles. Democrats like Khanna grandstanding about accountability forget they controlled the entire government during Epstein’s 2019 arrest. Nobody comes clean here. Everybody’s guilty of selective moral outrage.

This Epstein saga proves America has two justice systems. One for finance bros who insider trade using Robinhood. They get SWAT raids at dawn. Another for billionaire degenerate filth pedophiles. They get "die conveniently in jail under mysterious circumstances" treatment while their little black books get the Vatican archive treatment.

I’m not cynical though. I’m hopeful! Why? Because ordinary citizens are smarter than these clowns. We know transparency theater when we see it. We know elite protection rackets. This Epstein circus will keep unraveling because the truth always finds cracks in the concrete. Until then, pass the popcorn.

Get informed. Stay vigilant. Maybe even check your voter registration status between eye rolls. Remember, sunlight’s the best disinfectant, but we might need industrial bleach for this mess.