The ghosts of Three Rivers Stadium must be cackling into their Iron City beers tonight. Just when you thought the Pittsburgh Steelers' uncanny immunity to losing seasons under Mike Tomlin couldn't find more bizarre methods of self preservation, Sunday delivered a finale so ludicrous it made the Immaculate Reception look like standard operating procedure. A game ending offensive pass interference call nullifying a Detroit Lions touchdown scored by a quarterback catching a lateral during a play that lasted roughly as long as the filming of Titanic. Only in Pittsburgh. Only for Tomlin.

Let's rewind this disasterpiece properly. Detroit down five with zeros on the clock. Jared Goff slings a pass to Amon Ra St Brown at the nine yard line. The human rendezvous point of three defenders proceeds to morph into a NFL version of that kid who wouldn't go down in pee wee football no matter how many jackets opponents tried pulling over his head. St Brown absorbed contact like a crash test dummy before the pièce de résistance a telegraphed lateral back to Goff who waddled into the end zone like a dad scoring at a family BBQ touch football game. Lions win. Bedlam in Detroit. Except the officials decided St Brown had committed pass interference before the catch. Ball game. Steelers win. Cue the confetti cannons filled with Terrible Towels and unanswered questions.

Now let's be clear. The call was correct by the letter of the law. St Brown extended his arm to create separation, a textbook OPI. But here's where the NFL's inconsistency becomes maddening. The same officiating crew initially ruled Goff's Benny Hill touchdown valid despite the fact St Brown's forward progress had been stopped so thoroughly you'd think Matt Canada was back calling plays against him. Only upon review did the penalty surface. This league has all the consistency of a Popeyes biscuit left in the sun. Ticky tack holds get called three plays after defensive backs engage in full Greco Roman wrestling matches with receivers. Roughing the passer flags fly when quarterbacks get breathed on wrong while running backs get treated like human pinatas. And yet we're supposed to believe this OPI was the hill to die on during the wildest play of the regular season.

Which brings us to the silent winner here. Mike Tomlin's nine lives streak of never having a losing season. This man could walk through a monsoon holding a lightning rod while singing AC/DC and emerge with just a mild sunburn. His Steelers have survived statuesque quarterback play, offensive coordinators whose playbooks were written in crayon, and now this cosmic joke of a finish. People talk about Belichick's brilliance, Shula's perfection. Tomlin's superpower is finding ways to crawl to 9 8 or 8 8 1 when all logic suggests the wheels have fallen off. He's football's cockroach survivor, the NFL's manifestation of that boxer who keeps rising after ten knockdowns to win by split decision.

But let's not obscure the human toll here. Lions fans have endured decades of Thanksgiving embarrassments and 0 16 infamy. This season promised catharsis. Instead they get this theatrical gut punch. Players collapsed on the field as if Thanos snapped his fingers specifically inside Ford Field. Goff's thousand yard stare afterwards said more about sports heartbreak than any post game interview ever could. At least Bengals fans have the Ickey Shuffle. Browns diehards have the Dawg Pound. Detroit? They have Barry Sanders highlights and the cold comfort of Eminem lyrics. This wasn't just a loss. It was destiny pulling the chair out right as they tried sitting down.

What does this teach young athletes tuning in? That effort can be negated by zebras. That chaos theory isn't just for math class. That sometimes you do everything right until someone decides you didn't. Detroit executed desperation football to perfection everyone forgetting amidst the controversy that Jaylen Warren broke Pittsburgh's offense like Bane breaking Batman's back with two 45 yard touchdown runs. You want cultural resonance? The Lions executed their final play with the improvisational brilliance of a Miles Davis solo only to have a technicality erase it. Jazz can be invalidated apparently. Where's Ken Burns when you need him.

We should also address the league's hypocrisy replay review editions. The NFL that sends every blade of grass inch measurement through forensic review suddenly trusts the on field call when two officials probably signaled touchdown while the other three were still trying to remember if laterals are legal. Remember the Fail Mary in Seattle. The Dez Bryant non catch. The overturning of Jesse James's apparent Steelers touchdown against New England in 2017. The inconsistency isn't just frustrating. It actively discredits the product. Baseball has robot umps knocking on the door. The NBA embraced replay judgment calls. The NFL operates like a parental figure that makes up the rules as it goes along depending on which child they like more that day.

Pittsburgh escapes. Detroit despairs. Tomlin smirks. The real losers are fans who watched a contest decided by human judgment rather than athletic brilliance. Four quarters of compelling football reduced to legal footnotes. The Lions didn't just lose a game. They lost certainty. That's sports modern tragedy in cleats. Can't wait to see how the NFL apologizes its way out of this one between licensing deals for horrible towel memorabilia.