College football programs clutching pearls is like Gordon Gekko preaching income equality. The hypocrisy tastes like month old stadium nachos. Michigan just reminded us all why sports morality plays should come with laugh tracks.

When they fired Sherrone Moore for getting too cozy with a staff member, Ann Arbor transformed into Mount Olympus. Zeus Manuel thundered decrees about policy violations. Zero tolerance, they said, with all the solemnity of a ref spotting the ball half a yard short on fourth down. Never mind that Moore followed Jim Harbaugh, who treated NCAA rulebooks like toilet paper during his summer vacation. Now that's what I call character building.

Remember when Miami's booster scandals birthed a 30 For 30 called 'The U'? Penn State's statue removal architects? Baylor's Baylor being Baylor era. Michigan just entered the hypocrisy hall of fame with this move. The Wolverines didn't care about clean programs when Big Blue was crushing Ohio State or teabagging Alabama in the playoffs. Suddenly, when a coach gets too friendly with staff. Gasp. Think of the children.

Let's talk about the players skating on this suddenly thinning ice. Kids chose Michigan seeing Moore as Harbaugh's heir apparent. Now? They're learning a brutal lesson in NCAA jurisprudence: your coach is family until he's not. The transfer portal just became their new therapist. Meanwhile recruits who signed letters of intent must feel like Charlie Brown after Lucy yanks the football away. Again.

This whole debacle smells like booster politics wrapped in administrative cowardice. Because let's be honest. If Moore had gone 11 1 instead of 9 3 this season, would we be having this conversation? Would regents care about workplace relationships if he'd beaten Oregon by three scores? I've seen drunk frat brothers make better ethical calculations during Rush Week.

The speed of Moore's replacement proves my point. Biff Poggi's interim tag feels less like transition planning than scripted WWE drama. Poggi's resume reads like a coaching mercenary's LinkedIn: high school legend, Michigan analyst, Charlotte head coach, G League candidate. He'll keep the seat warm while Manuel backchannels with NFL coordinators and sexy Group of Five climbers. No time for reflection when the early signing period looms.

Michigan's administration wants this story to be about morality. Fine. Let's discuss the real ethics violations happening every Saturday. Universities making billions off unpaid labor. Concussion protocols that fail smarter than Brian Ferentz's offense. Coaches jumping schools weeks after pledging undying loyalty. But yes, by all means. Let's hyperfocus on workplace relationships like Jerry Springer moderating an HR convention.

The funniest part. Michigan's famous sign stealing scandal that once had the sport clutching its pearls apparently didn't violate university policy enough to justify firing anybody. Stealing signals from the parking garage. Ethical. Dating a co worker. Unforgivable. Maybe they'll erect a plaque outside Schembechler Hall commemorating those noble sideline spies.

At least Nick Saban would've handled this with some cynicism we could respect. He'd have Moore disappear into a 'analyst' role like a mob boss relocating problematic Made Men. Michigan botched even the fake indignation portion of this program. I bet Alabama boosters are giggling into their bourbon.

Let's not ignore the sport wide implications here. Athletic directors now have the ultimate get out of jail free card for mediocrity. Didn't make the playoff. Lost to your rival. Can't fire the coach for performance because his buyout would fund a small moon colony. Simple solution. Hire private eyes to follow coaches until they find someone buying dinner for an assistant league staffer. Presto. You save $40 million and look virtuous.

The fans sitting in the Big House bleachers deserve better than this circus. They nod along to the university's press releases. Wring hands about program integrity. Then cheer when some transfer portal mercenary sacks Notre Dame's quarterback. Cognitive dissonance doesn't come with seat cushions this plush.

Maybe college football needs this reckoning. We act shocked when multimillionaire coaches behave like flawed humans. We hire these tigers precisely because they hunt and kill and dominate. Then clutch handkerchiefs when claws get bloody. Your grandfather's leather helmet ideals died when cable TV money rolled in. Time to grieve properly.

Two truths coexist here. Moore's alleged conduct violated written university policies. Michigan also handled this with all the grace of a punt returner fielding kicks with oven mitts. Both things stink worse than postgame locker rooms. But only one reveals how rotten the whole system has become beneath its gleaming facilities.

Remember TV preachers in the 80s. Televangelists screaming about sin from gold plated pulpits. All while keeping mistresses and embezzling donations. Big time college football found its modern equivalent. They'll cite rulebooks they helped bend whenever convenient. Crucify middle management when revenue streams require sacrifices. Michigan wrote this playbook chapter in permanent ink.

This isn't about Sherrone Moore. Not really. It's about college football's fake outrage industrial complex. The same sport that ignores sexual assault allegations at SEC factories will spend three news cycles tut tutting over consensual workplace relationships when convenient. Burn the coach to distract from systemic rot. Classic misdirection. Belichick would approve.

What's next for Maize and Blue nation. Some hotshot coordinator will arrive promising culture restoration. Players will parrot company lines about learning lessons. Michigan might even win nine games next fall. Then we'll all pretend like shady dealings stopped happening rather than just getting smarter. The machine rolls on.

Here's the truth that echoes through empty stadium tunnels. Programs want coaches who ignore nice rules when chasing titles. They just need plausible deniability when reality gets inconvenient. Michigan forgot step two. Don't get caught demanding purity from gladiators.

So raise your glasses, college football fans. Tonight we toast another program learning the hard way. Hypocrisy makes terrible sideline decor. It clashes with those lovely winged helmets. Almost as badly as letting detectives start whispering in athletic department corridors. Almost.